A short primer

A dear acquaintance who works in a palliative care facility and who does private practice as well asked me how to treat patients who were adherents of different and various churches. “For example he said how about Episcopalians?”

So I thought about if for a while and here is a very short primer on different churches, not all by any means but the more well known, and what you might expect of those professing an identity with them.

Episcopalians: Nothing to worry about here. The only thing they have an issue with is anger. You just cannot get mad and by all means you cannot walk away! They cry when you do this or they in turn get mad and that is very UnEpiscopalian.

Baptists: You are fine as long as you don’t discuss or God forbid quote “THE” Bible They still think King James was a saint and they would die of a heart attack if you tell them his favourite past time was buggery with men!

Presbyterians: It doesn’t matter what you do since it was already preordained for you to do it so you get a free pass here EXCEPT amongst the liberal ones who see everything as allegorical. Be sure it is the politically correct one!!!

United Church of Christ: Similar to the Episcopalians but much more dull.

Methodists: Somewhere between the Episcopalians and the UCC but with far more passion and confidence….most of the time anyway.

Roman Catholics and Eastern Orthodox: They both are convinced and will try to convert you that they are the “one true church” never mind the fact that they both cannot be the one true church at the same time.

Lutherans: Again somewhere between the Episcopalians and the Methodists with a wee bit of the UCC thrown in but much slower than the rest of the folkes.

Lastly the evangelicals: They will witness to you ad infinitum ad nauseam or until you buy their preacher a million dollar home and million dollar plane with a car to match. They talk a lot about Jesus who they think is an American free market capitalist while passing the collection plate and selling videos and wisdom keys!


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